Roller Skating Humor

Our roller skating sport has some interesting and unusual people and happenings that one may experience when inside a roller skating rink.  Here are a few TRUE stories to verify that fact:

At Nick Schiazza’s Elmwood Rink in Philadelphia, PA, a fellow came into the Friday night session carrying a large suitcase.  This fellow paid admission for himself, plus another admission for his partner.  The manager asked which girl in the lobby was his partner.  “None of the,” he stated then opened his suitcase and took out a life-sized doll and explained that this was his partner and he was paying for her admission.  The manager was dumbfounded, but let the man in to wee what would happen!  The customer put on his skates, attached some ties that were on the doll’s ankles to his ankles, and away they skated.  The customer and his partner didn’t bother anyone, the man was happy in his world on wheels—AND became a regular at the rink for years to come.

At Eddie O’Neil’s Hillside Rollerdrome in the 1950s, Andy Devito was the organist.  Hillside was about ½ hour drive or subway ride from New York City.  One year for approximately 10 consecutive weeks, a beautifully dressed young lady would pay her Saturday night admission, come into the rink, sit down, put her skates on, skate once around the rink, come off the floor, remove her skates and leave.  Noticing this behavior, Andy Devito gave her a nickname of “Once Around Rosie.”  At Andy’s request one week, a girl from their skating club struck up a conversation with this lady before she left the rink.  It seems the lady, whose name was Mary—told her husband she was going roller skating.  Mary would leave her house, go off to the rink, skate once around the floor, then would go off to meet her boyfriend after she left the rink.  In her mind, she was not lying to her husband!  After all, she did indeed go roller skating…Needless to say, Andy’s name of “Once Around Rosie” stuck with her for the rest of the time she kept coming back to the skating rink.

The owner of the grocery store where Harry Tilson worked as a stock boy in 1944, when he was 15, invited Harry to spend a week at his farm near Oxford, Main.  It was a working vacation, but Harry learned to love it and even stayed an extra week.  The neighbors at the farm about 2 miles away had a daughter named Madeleine who was Harry’s age.  They became quite friendly.  On a Saturday night, they went to the local roller rink.  At the entrance, there was a board where you could stick your chewing gum, then write your name underneath so you could pick it up on the way out.  I don’t think the local Board of Health these days would approve of this old time method of keeping gum out of the skating rink. 

In the 1930s and 40s, the roller skating floor guards were considered professionals.  Many guards wore military styled uniforms, both men and women.  The men at some rinks wore white gloves, both for sanitary reasons and moral reasons.  A bare hand on a ladies back or arm was considered getting a little too friendly.  Boy, times have changed!  Most rinks required girls to have their skating dress length below the knees, and men had to wear dress shirts with neckties.  Most rinks would rent ties or a proper length skirt for the ladies.  No jeans or T-shirts were allowed.  Imagine trying to enforce some of these dress codes with today’s kids!

Skating Jokes...

Devil versus St. Peter....Satan had been challenging St. Peter to attend his own skate dance competition.  Eventually, all the world champions went to Heaven.  Of course, then St. Peter called up Satan.  “All right, now I’m ready to beat you,” said St. Peter.  “You’re going to lose,” Satan laughed.  “You’re going to lose.”  “No,” replied St. Peter, “I’ve got the best of the world champions. What makes you so sure that we will lose?”   "Because," Satan said, "I've got all the judges down here!"

She won’t quit… “My parents say that if I don’t give up skating, I’m going to have to leave home,” said Sally Skate.  “That’s really a tough break,” replies her friend.  “Yeah," said Sally Skate, "It sure is….I’m really going to miss them!”

Aim—what you didn’t do if you ran into the barrier railing.

Angular—A type of takeoff, which is highly impractical if one’s partner is doing a parallel takeoff.

Arabesque—A fancy name for a spiral.

Backward—A boy who stammers when he asks a girl to skate.

Barrier—An unmovable wall or railing whose sole purpose is to bruise and annoy skaters.

Baseline—A supposedly stationary reference line, which increases the difficulty and adds to the confusion of dance skating.

Beat—What every pro occasionally feels like doing to his students!

Blues: A special dance devised by instructors in order to confuse their pupils with the Tango. It usually succeeds—this means more lessons to confuse them. This is very good for the trade.

Bracket—An inside out three turn.

Chasse—1) Anything that isn’t a progressive. 2) The bottom half of a motorcar.

Choctaw—1) something like a Mohawk, only worse. 2) A step in the “Blues, immediately prior to falling down.

Coffee: A traditional skater’s beverage of secret composition. Identical in taste, color and viscosity to another liquid known as tea, but costs a pretty penny more.

Contact Skating—Occurs when you try to skate dances or freestyle in a large crowd of small children!

Corner—A portion of the rink practically only for flats skated on a 90-degree axis.

Count—Something every dance skater should learn to do.

Counter—1) The most used portion of the snack bar. 2) A big shelf in the café for putting cups of coffee on.

Diagram—A clever little gismo that represents a dance.

Dropped—What happen to one partner in a pair’s team when somebody goofs.

Edge—A bent flat.

Fall—One of the four basic elements of most freestyle routines.

Flat—An anemic edge.

Footwork—Link steps used to kill time and allow a freestyle skater to regain his equilibrium between jumps and spins.


Four Major Positions: (1) standing up; (2) sitting down; (3) flat out and (4) carried out!

Form—a thing you fill out before taking a test.

Foxtrot: The way foxes walk in a hurry!

Free Skating: An enjoyable evening on rollers after a struggle to get through the small window at the back of the rink.

Grip—A method of retaining a partner once one is procured.

Instructor: A creature found at skating rinks to who you pay a fabulous fee to be told that your head is in the wrong position, there is a permanent set in your back, your skating leg is too stiff, your free leg is too bent, your knees are turned inwards, your arms are useless, and your hips don’t rotate. This ceremony is known as a “lesson”, but your doctor is cheaper and much quicker!

Jump—what most coaches expect their students to do when they issue a “suggestion.”

Leap—what you do if someone falls directly in front of you.

Mohawk—Like a Choctaw except it doesn’t change directions half way through.

Proficiency Test—A device to make you realize how good you aren’t.
Progressive—An overactive chasse.

Rise and fall—Picking oneself up off the floor only to fall again.

Rocker—a counter going the other way.

Short Axis—A baby long axis.

Skating: A disease caught at rinks—can be cured initially by not going to rinks. Once caught, however, the sufferer is condemned to go roller skating for the rest of his life. The more extreme cases are confined to rink centers, where in grim solitude, they continue to skate round and round in ever diminishing circles. In very acute cases, the victims lose their human form and become skating instructors.

Slide—occurs when the floor is slippery.

Sub-curve—a boo boo.

Tango: An old English word meaning to tangle, which is descriptive of most couples’ efforts to do this dance.

Three: A figure in skating so called because there are three ways of doing it. 1) Right, 2) wrong and 3) not at all. The first is a secret method used only by instructors. The second is the way everybody else does it, although the third is quite popular.

DOUBLE REPETITION - When your coach tells you Twice about the same mistake.

30 SECOND REST - Judge's piddle break.

REGULAR ROLL - A Roll without poppy seeds

JUDGE - They who are at fault when you Don't place. They who are observant when you Do place.

DOUBLE THREE - SIX

FLOW - Short for "Florence".

EXTENSION - What you ask your coach for when you don't have the money for this weeks lesson.

JUDGING - Excuse for not placing (re): the Judging was Terrible!

TOE STOPS - Devices placed on the front of skates to keep Beginners from leaning too far forward.

ROLLER SKATING - A sport invented by the inventor of the first pair of skates, so he would have someone to sell his product to.

ARTISTIC SKATING - A Discipline of "Roller Skating" invented by skate manufacturers so they can charge Higher Prices for skates.

CENTER OF SKATE - An Absolute Variable which never occurs twice in the same location. (See Black Hole)

LUTZ - Slang for "let us" as in: "Lutz do da Waltz" or "Lutz go to da diner after skating".

CAMEL SPIN - Method used to Air Dry your Camel.

RIGHT-INNER-BACK - Located between the Appendix and the Coccyx.

LEFT-OUTER-BACK - Left cheek of your rump.

CHASSE' - French for "CHASE" as in "Le dog chasse'le car".

CROSSED CHASSE' - (see Knock-Kneed).

FLIGHT - Method used by beginners to avoid skating a particular item at a contest.

JUDGE'S PANEL - Large truck, used to transport judge's to events. "They left in the JUDGE'S PANEL" truck yesterday".

EXHIBITION - A well endowed Female with a very low-cut outfit. (Note) " All Exhibitions" must be Sanctioned by the appropriate Governing Body.

FIGURE EIGHT - Figure Four on both feet.

SERPENTINE - Pattern used by beginners during "Waltzing Couples".

BRACKET - A figure put into competition by a double-jointed skater seeking revenge.

THREE TURN - A turn executed during TRIOS.

COUNTER - Surface in the Snack Bar. Tabulator

STAMINA - That quality that the other team always has more of.

COMMISSION - Judge's "A French word meaning "SIC-EM"!

LEAN - Opposite of Fatty.

DOUBLE LEAN - TWICE as opposite of "Fatty".

FALSE LEAN - Used by some supermarkets in packaging meats for display.

FLOOR GUARD - Hired by rink owners to insure that no one steals the floor during sessions.

PROFESSIONAL - Old skaters never die, They just turn PRO.

BASELINE - An Imaginary reference line around rink that keeps sneakily Moving on a skater or team.

INTEGER SYSTEM - A system devised to Integrate all roller rinks and disciplines.